to restore hope and order again and again

"I don't want to be a teacher," I say, over and over and over again, the night before I take the CBEST, the emergency credential test you take in order to become a substitute teacher.

I come from a long (ish) line of teachers. I think half the people on my dad's side of the family all work in the same school district, my mother, brothers and I included in that. I was almost quite literally raised in the classrooms my mom has taught in. I've heard it all when it comes to teachers complaining about students/parents/principals/other teachers. most of the people I felt closest to growing up were teachers, not for instance, kids or peers my own age. I know some of them even saved my life during the hardest years of being bulled in middle school/junior high.

...and despite all this, I still don't want to be a permanent teacher.

and this bothers me, and it worries me too. I know how important teachers are to society. I know, intimately well, how important and rare good teachers are and how easily bad teachers slip through the cracks. I know that within me is the capacity for being a good teacher, because I have had so many examples in the past and in my present.

After I graduated college in 2015, I didn't work immediately in the year that followed, apart my typical job of babysitting. then in the beginning of 2016, I applied and was accepted by the school district my mom works for, to be para-educator, which is a fancy word for a teacher's aide. I've been in at least five different schools since then, left my first job after a month, was unceremoniously fired from the second one after about two weeks, and since then, have worked in various schools as a substitute para-educator. after I give people this long-winded explanation, the usual response is something along the lines of, "so that's something you want to do?"

"no," I reply.

"but you've been working at this so long!"

"yes, I know, but I don't want to."

"you're good at this, though! you should totally be a teacher!"

"I know I am, but it's not what I want to do."

"maybe you'll change your mind eventually."

..."BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A TEACHER," I yell into the void.

it's been a worry of mine for the past few years, that my dream job as a writer/librarian is just...not practical, not sensible, not reasonable enough for me. that I should set my sights on something with more security, more stability, although if 2016 taught me anything, it's the fact that job stability is a myth. that I should aspire to do something worthier than sitting around typing made up stories for people to read.

and then I came to a realization.

you want to know how those teachers saved my life in middle school/junior high? they gave me stories, they let me read. they didn't suggest I try to read within my grade level or what everyone else was reading. they let me read what I wanted, what I loved. they let me hang out in the library with Mrs. Alvarez the school librarian and Mrs. Alvarez in turn, let me organize her shelves and never complained when I stopped in the middle of putting books back to read those selfsame books. they encouraged me to write and never asked, "are you sure you can read that?" when I came to school with the Lord of the Rings tucked under my arm. (admittedly, not all of them were like this, eighth grade is when a very misguided teacher forced me to read the unabridged edition of Crime and Punishment because she thought I wasn't "challenging myself," and that's how I developed my never-ending grudge against Russian literature.)

teachers and librarians and stories saved my life. when I think about what I want to do with my life, it's that--give stories. write stories for the kids who need them. give a world within a book for someone to find shelter in. to give kids like me a chance to find solace in a book I loved when I was a kid.

I want that to be my legacy, the planting seeds in a garden that I may never get to see.    

and we keep living anyways

...it's been awhile hasn't it.

alright yes, it's been three (nearly four?) years. the last post I put up here, I was in my first semester in college. now, three years later, I've graduated, turned twenty-five, am currently holding down a job as a substitute para-educator, looking into a Master's program and today, just saw my baby sister off to her own college experience in Abilene, Texas.

the past year has not, by any stretch of the imagination, been an easy one. in fact, it's almost universally agreed that by almost any category of definition, 2016 sucked. it didn't even suck for me, personally, but admitting that 2016 was in any way a good year for yourself felt like a betrayal or mockery of the rest of the world. we lost a lot and felt like those bad things outweighed the good things. and that's a hard thing to have to hold, especially when you look into 2017 with dread.

I'm trying not look into 2017 with dread. I'm trying to face it as bravely as I can, even as off-kilter as I am with Julianna gone for the next five months.

Juli and I...well, we're no Jane and Lizzie Bennett. heck, we're barely Lydia and Lizzie Bennett. we've agreed that we're more like Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton (there's a million things we haven't done, but just you wait, just you wait...) and if we ever end up on the dueling grounds at Weehawken at dawn, we'll look at each other and agree, well, we saw this coming. but Juli is in many ways, a lot braver and kinder and smarter and stronger than I am, and as much as I worry about her being gone, I want her to have the best possible time at college, which she has waited so long and so patiently for.

 and me? I took one of the lines from Hamilton as kind of a personal motto for the next year. to be honest, a lot of the lines from Hamilton have an incredible resonance for me, but here's one of the more important ones.

in his solo song "Wait For It," Aaron Burr reflects on his life and the choices he's made, how his rival/peer Alexander Hamilton seems to blaze ahead, fearless and reckless. as opposed to Hamilton's lightning fast raps, Burr shakes the rafters with one fierce, blazing stanza: "I am the one thing in life I can control/ I am inimitable, I am an original."  First time I heard the line I sat up straight and played it over and over and over again; it grabbed me by the throat and made me listen. the next lines go, "I am not falling behind or running late / I am not standing still, I am lying in wait." it's hard to go slow sometimes. you look at others and think, why don't I have that, why aren't I doing that, what am I doing wrong because clearly I'm not where I'm supposed to be. so I take a deep breath. I look at what I have done, what I have accomplished. and I remind myself: I am the one thing in life I can control and I will not be afraid. I am willing to wait for it.

Appreciation for Jane Eyre

Strangely, my college does not have a copy of the book in it's library. A grave oversight, but I plan to find it and buy it as soon as I get a chance, so it matters little.

While I could go on about my frustrations with certain elements of the plot, that isn't what I want to say today.

There's a quote in it I've been telling myself a lot lately. I'm not sure if it's actually in Jane Eyre, but I'm pretty sure it is. If it isn't, someone kindly direct me to the originator.

This is as well as I remember it:



I suppose I should add that all of the things I hate, crying is probably among the top ten. But as is the case with most transitions, they come with tears.

I have told myself for years that crying is a sign of weakness. A message drilled into my head from a bullied childhood. I tell myself ferociously that you do not cry in public. Be strong, I tell myself. Never let anyone see you cry. Hardly helped that matters of true frustration and emotion are usually attached to my tear ducts.

Lately though, I've been feeling a certain amount of kinship for Jane. I'm not sure why. Maybe because right now, I'm in a position similar to hers--alone in a strange place, not sure where to go. Not really closely attached to anyone yet and wary of strangers.

No one's almost run me over with a horse and I haven't run into any broodingly handsome, enigmatic landowners, and I'm okay with that. Honestly.

Right now, I feel like Jane and I could sit over a nice cup of tea and commiserate over this weird period of transition. How you're trying to connect, to get attached and sometimes you feel a thousand times removed from the whole situation. How crying helps sometimes. And you hate that it helps.

Jane cries quite a bit in the novel (or from what I remember) and she never lets this stop her. She picks herself up and carries on. And for that, I respect her enormously. When I read the book the whole way through this time, I think I'll like her even more for that.

Anyways. Over & Out,
Rachel

Follow the Yellow Brick Road Down the Rabbit-Hole

Though I am still writing Halcyon House and am quite determined to finish it, I am also busy with a new idea, a side project if you will, that is rapidly getting out of hand. All of my side projects get rapidly out of hand, I find.

Anyways, it's brought on a culmination of things, most specifically, re-tellings.

And The Wizard of Oz. 

I love the Wizard of Oz, book and movie. It's a classic and it's woven it's way into my every day language. As a little girl, I found myself reading it and putting myself right alongside Dorothy and her stalwart companions. I wanted to throw the bucket of water, outsmart the Witch and wear the Silver Slippers (not Ruby. That was on the part of the movie, because red showed up better on film). I haven't read the other books in L. Frank Baum's Oz series, but I may have to, if this project of mine keeps going.

I'm re-telling the Wizard of Oz. 

As aforesaid, this was brought on a few things. Watching Disney's Oz, the Great and Powerful earlier this year was one of those. While visually speaking it was stunning, plot wise...could've been better. I shall be forever bitter about Mila Kunis not being sassy. She deserved to be sassy. And even before that, the SyFy channel did the mini-series Tin Man, another lackluster re-telling that had some really great ideas...but less than stellar execution. Even with Zooey Deschanel as the heroine.

But beyond all those things, it was mostly brought on by the simple question: Why aren't there any good Oz re-tellings?

I mean, you get Alice in Wonderland reimaginings by the boatload. Books, TV series, movies. Oz got The Wiz, starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. And that slightly creepy made-for-TV movie back in the nineties, Return to Oz. I mean, electric shock therapy? The Wheelers? The switching of heads, for crying out loud. I wouldn't let the kids I looked after watch that movie.

And then I started thinking. Why do people love Alice so much? We understand her. We sympathize with her. She's thrown into the slightly scary, more than crazy, completely backwards (literally) world of Wonderland. She is, quite literally, the only sane person in the room and sometimes they question even that. She's all of us asking that universal question: What the heck is going on? 

we're all mad here.

But Dorothy? In the book, she's a little girl. In the movie, she's Judy Garland. She's sweet. She's kind. She's innocent and totally credulous. In Dorothy, we're not asking what's going on, we're asking, How do we get home? 

As a little girl, I read The Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland. I liked Oz better because there was a very definite story. Dorothy wants to get home. Simple as that. She meets a broad cast of characters who aid her or try to thwart her. All in all, it's more like a traditional fairy-tale than Alice. Alice is thinly veiled social commentary hiding behind a children's nonsense story. But I liked the character of Alice better than the character of Dorothy. Alice is sharp-tongued. She is impertinent, while trying to cling to the quintessential British decorum and courtesy, amid the lunatics of Wonderland. She is smart-aleck and sassy, much more like me rather than the sweet, good, kind Dorothy.

off to see the Wizard

But now I realize, Dorothy is grace under pressure. She is Vasilisa the Brave of Russian folklore, outwitting the iron-toothed Baba Yaga with kindness and integrity and good deeds. The kindness she shows to the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodsman and the Cowardly Lion inspire them to be heroes for her. Alice, in contrast, is an Appalachian Jack or Puss-in-Boots, who wins through cleverness and wit. What are Alice and Dorothy's flaws, my mother asked me, as I tried to explain all these feelings to her. Dorothy is too credulous, I said. And Alice is impertinent.

And then I asked myself, What would you do if you could re-tell Oz?

I'd make Dorothy older. Bitter. Jaded and cynical and would never wear a pair of sparkly shoes, regardless of the color. I'd make Oz into a place of decaying beauty and terror and treachery. I'd make the Wizard more than a humbug hiding behind a curtain. I'd make him subtle and scheming and smiling to your face while he reached for a knife to stab you in the back with. I'd make the Wicked Witch of the West more of an Elphaba of Wicked than an angry hag ready to kill for a pair of shoes. I'd make her a revolutionary, a firebrand, an oracle. I'd make Glinda the Good more than a smiling woman sitting on a throne, traveling by bubble, ready to wave a magic wand that makes everything better. She'd be a social reformer, a lady to her core, whose armor is courtesy and still carrying a knife.

I'd make Oz home to nomads and heretics and the desperate populace. Women with guns and itchy trigger fingers, men with swords and desperate hopes. Nomads who pray for a savior. I'd make it full of smoke and steam from broken down train stations and the shining City of Emeralds above it all, sitting on an ugly underbelly of grease and gears and wheels.

That's when I created my board, Outer Zone. 

Unlike Ayden, my other heroine, Dor Gale (as I've taken to calling her) is younger. Angrier. A survivor of the streets and group homes. She's no one's hero or savior and she hates taking orders. She doesn't want to be in what I've taken calling the O.Z. but returning to our world isn't an option either. I wanted her to be hidden under sarcasm and leather and a chip on her shoulder, only to have something great and good and blazing hiding underneath. To watch the Queen conquer. I wanted to disrupt the smiling world of Munchkins and Winkies and set it on fire, making it blaze with revolution. I wanted the yellow brick road to be overgrown and hidden, for sorry is the fool who underestimates the power of things long buried.

I look forward to exploring the O.Z.

Over & Out,
Rachel

Coming Up

So. Here I am. Almost the end of the summer. And what do I have to to show for it? Becoming alarmingly adept at Pinterest.

That's basically how I've spent most of this year. And the occasional sporadic bursts of writing.

But that's all in the past now. I must put aside such childish pastimes and become a Proper, Full-Fledged Adult.

In other words, I'm going to college.

As in, away.

From my home. For the first time. For six months.

At this moment, I am teetering between excited apprehension and sheer unadulterated panic, because heh, WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT BEING ALONE.

Well, that's not entirely true. I know quite a bit about being alone. I'm alone in my room at home. I'm alone at parties, reading a book. I'm alone outside, where I shouldn't be. But alone at a school with a thousand other kids who don't know me and aren't morally obligated to put up with me like everyone else I know, well, that's a whole 'nother ball game.

If I knew how to use gifs, I'd insert one here to show you my current feelings of panic. Maybe some day. When I have a Tumblr. Lord knows when that'll be.

Anyways.

I take this very seriously, because my parents are taking it seriously. This is time and money for them and I can not take their trust and finances for granted. So come August, I'm going.

I really don't want to have a panic attack on my blog, so here's something else that has Nothing Whatever to do with my upcoming departure.

Mainly, my fairy-tale board on Pinterest. 

Those who know me know I love fairy-tales. I wrote a thesis on it in high school, about how Cinderella is one of the universal stories of folklore everywhere. Nearly every culture has a some variation of a Cinderella plot, and I had fun doing research for it like you wouldn't believe. So this particular board is one of my favorites, because I use all the fairy-tale motifs I know of to write the captions for. Unlike the boards I use for my own personal writing projects, it doesn't bother me as much to know people repin them and keep the captions, because fairy-tales belong to everyone and if they inspire someone, then I have no complaints. Here is a pin or two that I'm pretty proud of:

lips, hair, skin. was this worth killing for, she wondered. 

half women, half bird, they sound like crows when they laugh and owls when they scream.

the mirror does not lie, she tells herself, the mirror does not lie. and the reflection laughs when she turns her back.

I kinda feel these are worth making stories of. I hope it inspires you. 

Over & Out,

Rachel

Found Words

^THIS.

This sums up everything I wanted when comes to writing a confession.

Confessions of a Shipper Fangirl

My name is Rachel Flores and I ship things.

No, I don't have a ship with sails or anything (though I wish I did. That would be pretty cool). In certain shows, movies, comic books, fictional anything, "ships" are the relationships (ha-ha, see what I did there?) of two characters (usually male/female) and you basically want them to get together and live happily ever after with lots of babies. And you react hysterically whenever anything remotely looks like progress happens in the story and read way too much into every little interaction that goes on between them.

Tumblr does this, a lot. I don't, because...well, people look at me weird when I do. But just for once, I'm going to indulge myself. On my own personal blog. So there. *sticks out tongue like a five-year old*

So. Shipping. I ship a lot of things. Mostly canon couples. Some couples that haven't actually happened yet, but the writers/producers/actors keep hinting that will (officially called a "ship tease").

Right now, on the one TV show I watch with any kind of regularity (since it's bonding time with my little sister), it's Once Upon A Time and I am a full-on Captain Swan shipper. For those of you who aren't aware of the fan-name of this couple, it's Emma Swan (our hero) and Captain Hook (the sort-of villain), aka Killian Jones.

Yes, I know he's a bad guy. Yes, it's a cliche. But the last guy they paired Emma up with died right in the middle of their first kiss, for crying out loud. Regina crushed his heart. Killian hasn't actually died yet! Sure, he's got the snot beaten out of him several times (including and not limited to getting hit by a car of all things) and he needs to get rid of the black leather already (Cora got a "real-world" outfit, c'mon costumers, get with the program!), but it's just...I don't know. I think it could work. And I like him a lot better than Graham, the guy who died while kissing Emma (back in the first season) and as far as I'm concerned, Neal is out of the question.

(Baelfire is Neal is Rumpelstiltskin's son is Henry's dad. Everyone saw this coming.)

Ah-hem. Where was I?

Oh yes, Captain Swan shipping.

So currently, Killian's grand plan of revenge on Rumpelstiltskin is not working out. Not in the slightest. Presumably in the next episode next Sunday this is going to fixed. But eventually (I merely assume this is going to happen), everyone and their grandmother (literally, Granny wields a mean crossbow), is going to team up against the current Big Bad of the season, Cora. As soon as Regina realizes she's become a little girl again, trying to win her mother's approval.

But I just want Emma to be happy, okay? And the resident eyeliner-wearing pirate with one hand might actually do the job for her, dang it. And Henry would just, be totally in awe of him because he's Captain Hook.  From Neverland. With Peter Pan and the Lost Boys and Tinkerbell. And Hook's so...banter-y. This show sometimes severely lacks in banter, people. Real, honest-to-goodness, flirty/UST-laden banter. There's not enough of it.

And I honestly think that Hook might just get sick of being Cora's sort-of, kind-of, constantly-left-out-of-the-loop, left-behind henchman/lackey (because seriously, that's all he is at this point). And while he and Rumple are probably never ever, ever, ever (like, ever!) going to get along (ha-ha, see what I did there?), Cora's kind of the bigger concern here.

Alright, FINE! I just want them to kiss, okay? Kiss and be happy. Colin O'Donoghue is one darn good-lookin' Irishman.

And thus ends my shipper-fangirl rant of the day. I leave you all on this note:
 

Captain Swan: The Ship that Sails Itself.

Over & Out,
Rachel

Sisterly Instincts

Over the past few months, I've come face-to-face with a new phenomenon that's been sweeping the Internet and I just started getting into.

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries.

Long story short, it's a updated version of Jane Austen's immortal classic Pride and Prejudice, only set in the modern day with Lizzie Bennet as a twenty-four year old communications major still living at home with her overbearing, plotting mother, dry father, sweet older sister Jane who works in fashion, and her younger sister Lydia, a loud, brash, energetic party-girl who wants to have her moment of fame on the internet through Lizzie's videos and then her own.

You can see the first episode here.

It's everything and nothing you can expect from a retelling of P&P, because the way it's done is so brilliantly set into the modern day you can almost believe it's real. Do we know the story? Absolutely. Do we know how it ends? Of course. But there are just so many different nuances to this that I need a whole different post to get into it, but I'll stick to the one thing I did want to talk about.

Namely, the relationship between the Bennet sisters, both in the original novel and in this retelling.

Now, I hope I'm not spoiling anything for anyone, but I'm going to go ahead and assume everyone knows that the eventual incident that Darcy saves Elizabeth and her family in the original novel is Lydia runs away with the no-account rake Wickham and elopes with him. Of course, in seventeenth century England, where reputation is everything, this is a complete catastrophe. Nowadays, it's awful and devastating for a family, but maybe not as bad as it was back then (as not bad as a thing like that can be, anyways). So the one thing that always made me sad in the original novel was that Lydia gets no chance for any character development. None. That's left to her sister Elizabeth and to Darcy. Of course, that's why we love the novel, but I always wished I could reach inside the book and smack some sense into Lydia. I'm sure everyone does.

But the thing that makes the Lizzie Bennet Diaries so unspeakably brilliant and amazing (in my opinion at least) that they give that character of Lydia a chance to change, a chance for the audience to love her and root for her and worry for her. All the credit of course, goes to the show's writers and actors, namely Mary Kate Wiles, who does such an amazing job of walking the line between Lydia's brashness and vulnerability. Lydia in LBD is your classic younger sister/baby of the family. She wants attention, recognition, doesn't know how any way but the wrong way to get it. A character like Lydia translates seamlessly, sometimes painfully well into this modern day world of Tweeting, Facebook, videos and general over-exposure. Which is how she falls under the spell of the unscrupulous George Wickham (oh yes, he's in there). In LBD, Lydia finally gets what she was denied in the original P&P: character development. (Yes, it deserves underlining, bold and italicization.)


I have related so strongly to Lizzie in LBD that it almost scares me. I have a younger sister, who of course I love dearly, but who can also drive me nuts. We've had our fair share of screaming matches over the years. We clash and argue and fight and my mother yells at us and reminds me she's the only baby sister I have. I justify my harshness to her because "Hey, she's the baby of the family. Compared to the rest of us, she's got it easy. Someone's got to be tough on her, right?"

And yet. And yet.

It is not my place nor my right nor my job to be harsh on my baby sister. Despite what I think, her life is hard enough without me making it worse. I am not supposed to be part of her stresses and worries.

And that's what gets me about the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, because it so clearly illustrates the push/pull, harsh/nurture aspect of an older sister/younger sister relationship.

This episode was the one that made me cry, because it touches so strongly that older sister instinct to protect your little sister, to defend her and reassure her of how amazing and clever and all-around spectacular she is. All things you lose sight of because all you can see right in front of you is the many ways she annoys you or drives you crazy or does everything wrong. It takes disasters to make you see all the things you should've done to be helping her, not tearing her down. The wish to hold her and reassure her of your love for her never changes, after everything. 

So yes. If all my yammering hasn't convinced you yet, watch the video (no matter how completely far along the story line it might be) and you'll see what I mean.

Over & Out,

Rachel

Steampunk Adventures

It's a new year! Time for new adventures! New books to read! New genres to explore! New guys to crush on! (As the previous post proves.)

So. As per the title, I'm dipping my toe into the shallow end of the steampunk genre. Steampunk, for those of you who aren't "in the know," (well, not that I am, that much) is a sub-genre of science fiction where steam/electricity was discovered early, usually in Edwardian/Victorian England and technological advances are, well...more advanced than the time period allows.


A prime example of steampunk fashion/modus operandi for women is usually leather corsets, fancy hats, clockwork and over-sized guns. A man's suit will invariably feature a top-hat, goggles, and some kind of cogs and wheels.

Now, I'm all for exploring new things. Seeking out new genres I could write. Steampunk is one of those things I don't know that much about, but I'd like to know more, if only for the cool things that are featured within. I don't think I could write it, since it requires me to do things like know about math, science, machinery and all those other things I'm not good at, but since it is fantasy, I could just make up what I don't know. So there is that!

But over the past two weeks, I've read two books that qualify as steampunk, and these are my thoughts thereof.

The Friday Society by Adrienne Kress.

And The Unnaturalists by Tiffany Trent.

Of the two, I liked The Friday Society better than The Unnaturalists, because The Friday Society features three rotating narrators, Cora Bell, Nellie Harrison, and Michiko Takeda, all intelligent, interesting, talented, sassy young ladies who solve crimes--in 1900 England. With this book, the steampunk influences are not as obviously overt as, say, The Unnaturalists and the voices of the three ladies is refreshingly modern and not as overtly dated for readers who aren't accustomed to reading books with a old-fashioned voice.

In contrast, The Unnaturalists is very steampunk, featuring an alternate reality where Nikolai Tesla somehow managed to create a mirror, alternate version of London where magic is outlawed and science is the religion--literally. Scientists like Marie Curie, Louis Pasteur and Charles Darwin are considered Saints (capital letter and all). Vespa Nyx, our heroine, is the daughter of a naturalist who catalogues unnatural creatures like gryphons, dragons, sylphs and the like. Now, the world-building in this book is amazing and very in-depth--maybe a little too in-depth, because there were times when I wished for a pamphlet or something to go along with it, just to explain certain aspects to me. There is, of course, the inevitable pull/push between magic and science, how this world needs both to survive. Nomadic tribes of Tinkers (inspired by a people in Nepal) wander around the countryside, practicing illegal magic and protecting creatures like the Manticore and the Golden Dragon.

Now, for readers looking to explore the world of steampunk, for my part, I would read The Friday Society first and then The Unnaturalists, as to have a point of reference to go on. That being said, steampunk is gaining ground as my new area of interest--though if I ever write it, well. That remains to be seen.

Over & Out,
Rachel

New Year, New Obsessions

I have plenty of them.

On another note, Happy New Years! I hope your celebrations were joyous and safe.

So, as I was saying, new obsessions to start off the new year. Or maybe a better word is preoccupations. Or areas of intense interest.

I blame The Hobbit. 

Because Peter Jackson just had to go and cast Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield. And Richard Armitage, the tricky blighter (see below), portrayed him in a way that can only be described as "majestic."  

Okay, seriously.  Not my fault, people!

Also disconcertingly good-looking, for a dwarf.

You can not possibly blame me. 

And I, in my fan-girl-ness, had to go watch on Netflix North & South, BBC mini-series which has nothing to do with the Civil War, but everything to do with the gentleman pictured above.

It's essentially Pride and Prejudice, but with the Industrial Revolution. And strikes. And the hero (portrayed by the gentleman pictured above) is a lot more brooding than the immortal Darcy. Actually, Elizabeth Gaskell, who wrote the novel in 1855, on which the mini-series is based, must have based her hero John Thornton more on Edward Rochester than Fitzwilliam Darcy; John Thornton fits in pretty well with the "intense, brooding" hero dynamic.

And who offsets him?

Margaret Hale, the lovely lady pictured here:


The daughter of a contentious clergyman, Margaret Hale and her parents move from the idyllic south of England to the colder, harsher climate of Milton, in the north, thus the title. Milton is an industrial town specializing in cotton mills, which were by anyone's standards, no safe place to work in. Margaret is horrified by the condition of the mill workers and her horror is only compounded when meeting John Thornton, the owner of Marlborough Mills.

 

(I do love these image thingies.)

Of course, as I said--think Pride and Prejudice. Including the happy ending. But what I liked about this mini-series (besides Richard Armitage, I swear!), is the fact John Thornton is this very direct, blunt fellow who may seem ruthless and unfeeling, but he remains honest and keeps his word; he loves his mother who raised him after the suicide of his father fiercely. And I love Margaret, how she grows and changes from an idealistic girl into a seasoned young woman and doesn't back down, even when faced with John Thornton's wrath. 

And the one kissing scene made up for all the drama and sexual tension we had to put up with. 

Upon realizing I can watch it for free on Amazon streaming, I shall go do that presently. And I hope you all too, go forth and explore in this new year some new...preoccupations.  

Over & Out,

Rachel

All is Calm, All is Bright

I just need to write some stuff, in light of what's been showing on the news lately.

To the parents, students, families, doctors, policemen, firemen and teachers of Newtown, Conn. I want to send my deepest, truest well wishes and shared sorrow after the tragedy that happened on Friday. I didn't even fully understand it until yesterday, the only thing I saw was the flag at my mom's school at half-mast and I wondered why.

Then I went online and saw the news.

I haven't watched much of it since, because if I do, I'm going to start crying and I won't be able to stop. I'm tearing up as I write this, thinking about it. I have little cousins, little nephews and nieces and two little kids I babysit. I love these children. To lose them in a way like this hits me so hard I can't think about it, so I try not to. Anyone who loves children should be sickened and grieved to the core that this happened. It is unfathomable to me that eighteen little boys and girls can't have Christmas this year, that their parents have undergone the worst December in years. It makes it worse for me because my mother is a teacher, I have cousins who are teachers, and we live in a city where violence is common and not unknown, especially at schools. This could happen here, but it didn't. Instead, it happened to a small town in Connecticut. I can't and I can imagine it, because I was blessed/cursed with an overactive imagination, and to even think about something like that happening in my own community makes me sick to my stomach.

Here are pictures from around the world, mourning with us. And a short piece from Longfellow, because it sums what I'm trying to articulate so much better than I ever could:

"And in despair, I bowed my head: 'There is no peace on earth,' I said, 'for hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, goodwill to men.' Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: 'God is not dead nor doth He sleep; the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with peace on earth, goodwill to men.'"
‎
Here's to peace on earth, my friends. May those who search for it find it.

Over & Out,
Rachel

Things I Have Found

And thought you'd like. Until next time, Cheerio

Over & Out,

Rachel

When Book Lovers Go Mad

As the title suggests, every so often, there comes a time in my life when I go a little...crazy.

I don't scream or throw things. Or disrupt my life or anyone else's. No, when I go crazy, it's usually with...books. The library system is usually to blame for it. I go to the New Teen Materials section, as is my wont, and I just see all the books I want to read (but don't want to buy just yet) and I go a little...crazy.

Right now I've got five books lined up in my request queue, The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater, Seraphina by Rachel Hartman, Fox & Phoenix by Beth Bernobich, Unspoken: the Lynburn Legacy by Sarah Rees Brennan and finally, The Brides of Rockroll Island by Margo Lanagan.

All in all, quite a load. I just can't help it, they're free books. Just for the taking (or reading)! What sort of book-loving girl like myself is supposed to resist that?

The  first one on my list is Maggie Stiefvater's latest release, one I'm looking forward to greatly. I wasn't too crazy about her The Wolves of Mercy Falls trilogy, but I adored The Scorpio Races to an unhealthy degree. Sean Kendrick's kind of my favorite monster tamer, ever. Seraphina has dragons who can turn into humans, and the uneasy alliance between them and full-blooded humans. Any thing with dragons, I'm pretty good. Fox & Phoenix has cool Chinese steampunk setting mixed with magic, and a snarky first-person narrator (courtesy of Amazon first looks).  Most of the books I see in the library system that I want to read, I go to Amazon, check out any previews they can give me. That's how I sift through the unlikely ones. That's why I decided to get Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan, a sassy take on the classic Gothic manor story line (yes, sassy and Gothic are joined together), and just from what I've seen, I think I'm going to adore it inordinately. How does the main character's best friend describe her? "Your soul is like the soul of a thousand monkeys on crack, all smushed together."

I was sold on that line alone. Seriously, it's awesome.

And finally, The Brides of Rockroll Island, a melancholy, darkly fairy-tale look on the selkie myths, a current fascination of mine. I've yet to find any really good modern interpretations of selkie legends, so I've got high hopes for this one.

And there you have it; my current reading list. Reviews are nigh. Stay tuned!

Over & Out,
Rachel

Darn It All!

Taylor, why is everything you do so dang cute?

Now I need to go to Paris more than ever.

How A Book Interests Me

Now, I should come right out and say two things:

One: I am a creature of impulse and instinct. So far, when it comes to books, my gut has only failed me a couple of times. I'll get to that in a minute. For the most part, it's lead me to pretty straight to all kinds of wonderful books.

Two: I'll read almost anything. When I start a brand new book, one I've never read before, I look for a few essential elements.

1) A engaging lead character, with well-drawn secondary characters. It's the mark of a good writer who can handle a sizable cast and make every person distinct and clear-cut or have someone inexplicably fade into the background.

2) Some kind of interesting element that leads to the conflict.

3) A compelling and urgent conflict that leads the characters to a better understanding of themselves and the world around them.

Now, that being said, my book senses usually do not lead me wrong. I will invariably pick out something that satisfies one if not all of these criteria. Case in point: one of my dear friends Mary gave me a twenty-five dollar gift card to Amazon for my birthday. As a treat to myself, I bought two books that I really liked the look of and the reviews were overall positive and glowing. Defiance by C.J. Redwine and For the Darkness Shows the Stars by Diana Peterfreund.

Pretty cool, no? I could go on and on about how much I adored these books, but for now, I'll stick to Defiance by C.J. Redwine. This is her first ever novel, and she's done a fantastic job. Rachel (pure coincidence, I tell you!) and Logan, our heroes, are intelligent, strong, and real. They react to the situations they're put in like real people would. They have strengths and weaknesses. In this world, there is a Cursed One, a huge, terrifying beast that comes to the surface without warning and summoned by vibrations in the ground. The best description is a dsytopian future, though that puts the book in one small genre and it stretches across many. Rachel's father goes missing on a courier mission, assumed dead, and she is assigned to her childhood friend Logan's care, the boy who broke her heart at fourteen. Rachel is independent and fiery, taught by her father who to defend herself in a world where women are assigned "Protectors" and forbidden to go anywhere without them. Logan is rational, logical, a genius inventor who can hold his own in a fight. They go through all the spectrum of emotions and take the reader with them. That's what good storytelling does. It's the first book in a trilogy, so I await with bated breath for the next few installments.

Now, on a trip to the library this weekend, I picked up a new book, Forget-Her-Nots by Amy Brecount White. It had a key element that I look for: an unusual, original element, the Victorian language of flowers, something I've always been fascinated with. I thought, Oh this could be interesting. And I checked it out.

I tore through Forget-Her-Not pretty quickly, but to be completely honest, I wasn't all that enthused. I found the main character Laurel flat and somewhat uninteresting, despite the sudden loss of her mother to cancer and the awakening of a strange new gift in a unfamiliar setting: a boarding school. She doesn't react very well in a crisis, and the main male lead, her love interest, got almost next to no face time. He just drifted in and out of the story without purpose. The secondary characters were also flat, one-dimensional. The bullying mean girl trying to take advantage of Laurel's gift, Laurel's snarky logical cousin, the back-and-forth friend who can't make up her mind to be on Laurel's side or not.  This is not the say the book doesn't have its good points. There's some lovely descriptions of flowers and the renewing, healing power of gardens. So there is that.

Keep in mind, this is just my opinion. I'm sure they are people out there who want to disagree with me. But I like to have a certain kind of standard when I read books, what I expect and what I want from a book that makes me happy. And if I find a book that does that, I'll be its friend for life.

Over & Out,
Rachel

Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul

A milestone, you say? You mean besides actually writing something for almost two months?

Yes, besides that. I know, I know, epic fail on my part. But for some strange reason, I'm better at doing this blog of mine while I'm in school, maybe because summer is when my brain decides that there's been enough work and it's time to take a break. School is when I'm productive and my brain is firing on all synapses. But yes--back to the milestone. It is pretty important, I promise. Today is my twenty-first birthday.

Ah, the big twenty-first. Truthfully, it feels no different than being twenty, only now, I can go out and buy alcohol or drink it if I wanted to! A somewhat useless privilege, since I have no intention of doing it, unless I'm cooking and I need to make, I don't know, tiramisu or something. Or creme brulee. What other dish requires alcohol in the recipe? That's all that comes to mind at the moment.

It's been a quiet day today. Both my brothers are back at school, my parents are at work and my sister is in school. So I've had the day to myself. Honestly, I'm enjoying it more than you might think. I got to make a chocolate cake, which is currently in the oven baking and filling the house with the smell, which is no bad thing. We may go out to dinner tonight, but I haven't decided where to go yet. So it's still up in the air.

I'd like to say a few things I've learned in the twenty-one years I've been on this earth.

First: I am a strange, unique creature, but not so unique there aren't others like me. But it's always a pleasure and surprised delight to find them.

Second: my family is my anchor. Always. All of them, not just my adored brothers or my beloved mother, but my father and my sister and my uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces and grandparents.

Third: I have great friends. Truly, really great friends. I'm never going take them for granted. How can I, when I didn't have them for so many years?

And (I think this is the last one, or the only one that comes to mind at the moment) fourth: I can never, ever take this life of mine for granted. I can't, because "do not resent growing older, it is a privilege denied to many."  This privilege is one of God's many gifts to me, so I will remember not to resent it.

Over & Out,
Rachel

My Mind Just Exploded

WHAT?

I'm sorry, but...WHAT????

WHY DOES THIS LOOK SO AWESOME????????????

No, seriously. Why?

And also...GUILLIMERO DEL TORO AND WILLIAM JOYCE ARE IN ON THIS.

I just, I can't even. I CAN'T EVEN.

Ahem. I'm going to see this movie. There is no question. That is all.

Over & Out,
Rachel

Hello! Rachel Here

With some pretty exciting news!

Besides me actually WRITING something after being gone for a month.

*hears the crickets chirp*

I was busy. And unmotivated. This is no excuse, but there it is. Alas.

So, my news!

My church's youth group always does a big trip during the summer. We call it an "X-Tour," and I've been going on them since 2007. That was my first ever X-Tour, and it was a pretty awesome one. We got to walk fifteen miles in Death Valley, whitewater raft on the Colorado River, horseback ride in Red Rock Canyon, Utah, hike the Narrows in Zion National Park, and a whole host of other awesome activities.

This year, 2012, marks the ten-year anniversary of the very first X-Tour. So this year is is X-Tour X, where not only current youth group members can come, but also alumni, namely my brothers and I! We're looking forward to it like nobody's business, let me tell you.

For more information about our tour (which begins June 20), click here. That will tell you everything you need to know about where we're going, what we're doing, and who we're doing it for.

And now, MY NEWS.

Our pastor, Ron Hunt, knows that my brothers and I are really looking forward to going on this X-Tour X, and us being older and wiser (well, marginally) we would also be in capacity of chaperons. But for yours truly, Ron had a different task in mind. He is, in fact, a follower of this little blog right here, and asked me if I would consent to be their resident blogger for this trip. This would be the first time there has ever been someone actually recording the impressions and day-to-day experiences while on the trip itself. So I won't be writing just for my own personal journalistic pleasure, I'll be writing for everyone, what they think and how they're feeling and how they're doing.

All in all, somewhat intimidating for a girl whose main pleasure is writing for herself.  To be perfectly honest with all, I am not accustomed to receiving compliments on my writing, unless they're from my own family who knows me and is honest with me. If some random Joe off the street says, "Hey, I read your blog and I like it!" I tend to get nervous. Very nervous. And somewhat unnerved. So this whole resident blogger thing will be putting me out of my comfort zone, and I await it with considerable trepidation.

But the thing that makes me feel like hiding under the bed is that those as-of-yet unwritten blogs of mine will be shared on other social networking sites, like Facebook or Twitter. They will be read by seven hundred other youth group leaders and pastors, looking for ideas and inspiration on what to do with their own youth ministry. Aaron tells me my writing it acceptable (his words are "brilliant," but he is deeply biased), but to have my pastor tell me my writing is good, good enough to be read by seven hundred followers, well, it's a bit of daunting prospect. As I said before, I wanted to hide under the nearest convenient bed when Ron mentioned that little piece of information. This might come as a shock to you all, but I am not used to other people reading my writing.  Unless it's something like this, then I'm okay with it. But this newest venture scares me, and I hate being scared. But I've been scared before and I will not let that deter me.

We of the Flores Family do not flinch.

 So now, all that remains is for me to write it out, send it out and hope it works. Strangely, this tactic has worked plenty of times before in the past, so I have hopes for it.

Be on the lookout, all of you, for my posts from the Wild Lands! I send them out with hope and fear and something like joy.

Over & Out,
Rachel

Fairy-Tale Retold: Snow White as an Warrior Princess

Some of you already know I'm a sucker for retold fairy tales. That I love to see how different authors, artists, actors and directors put their stamp on such well-known stories. One of my favorite movies of all time is Ever After with Drew Barrymore (the movie all my girlfriends and I have memorized).

So whenever the movie industry decides to take a stab at retelling a famous fable, I'm always eager to see how it turns out. There hasn't been much of that lately, but I keep my eye out.

This is the year that out of all the fairy tale princesses, Snow White gets to be revamped and finally be made cool. She's got a starring role in ABC's drama Once Upon A Time, got retold in this year's earlier release Mirror, Mirror and now she's looking at a brand new tale, Snow White and the Huntsman, as the trailer above shows you.

Personally, I wasn't too crazy about the concept of Mirror, Mirror, but I absolutely love Mary Margaret/Snow White's character in Once Upon A Time, and as you might guess, I am super excited for the vision in this movie. I think I would watch for the sets and costumes alone, Charlize Theron looks beautiful, deadly and ferociously evil as Ravenna, the Evil Queen. She has bones on her royal gown! How more wonderfully evilly foreboding can you get? The whole "mirror, mirror on the wall" is excellently re-imagined. Kirsten Stewart's finally got the chance to kick butt and save herself this time around (though as far as I'm concerned, she's brilliant as Bella Swan; I can't imagine anyone else but her), riding into battle with armor, wielding a sword and leading the charge against Ravenna. Plus, they have flaming ballistas. You can't go wrong with that.

Another thing you can't go wrong with, Chris Hemsworth as the Huntsman (I hope they're going to give him a name; we just can't call him "Huntsman" the whole movie)! I am not adverse to more Chris Hemsworth in the world, let me tell you. I am loving the world they're introducing here; Snow White's no warbly-voiced servant girl with a bob; she's trapped in the dudgeon ready to fight for her life when she gets the chance. The Huntsman is no mindless, softhearted Queen's lackey, he's a rough and ready brawler with an ax! And the Evil Queen...shiver-inducing and maybe a little unhinged. The only thing as scary as her is Disney's original version of the Evil Queen, tall crown, flowing purple cape and all.

Since I'm a swords-and-charges girl at heart, I am completely looking forward to the battle/fight scenes. I shall be in line to watch it first chance I get!

Over & Out,
Rachel

More Pinning

Sometimes I see the stuff and Pinterest and I go, "Oh look, INSPIRATION!"

For what, I'm really not sure. But it's still there and super pretty. Here's some my favorite stuff.

This is just the stuff that I like. I'm not following any kind of theme here! 

I think the next time I go on a pinning rampage on here, I will. Follow a theme, I mean.

Over & Out,

Rachel